eating air

its a sunday, i lost my wallet over the weekend. my driver's licence and military identity card are gone , among other things. i can just imagine them showing up at the wrong time in the hands of a slain militiaman after some major drug bust somewhere in a dark part of indo-china. damn it.

i made amends with kavin and soph it was great and thats an understatement. actually met quite a number of people over the weekend. the company was comforting, but i was distant. theres so much i cant tell my friends, and i feel heavy from the weight of my secrets. shelve it all up inside and smile outside. the more i do it the further i feel from everyone, its like walking around in a bubble. besides secrets, theres so much else that never leaves us.

listening to tori amos, looking out my window. my mind is in overdrive. the sun is fading and everything is turning rich dark blue as the last light is going out and the street lights are coming on in my street. tori's jangly piano notes are bypassing security on their way into me and are laying out an ethereal soberness. the sky is absolutely gorgeous and melancholy. there is so much beauty in the world. just wish right now i didnt have to see it alone. if u were here i wouldnt have to.