when the devil vomits in your kettle

It 5 o clock, i have been working the entire day without a real breather. the damn parade is tomorrow, after that god knows. its a relief to think that its all led up to this and its ending soon. But on the other hand the thought of ten more months of national service is pretty daunting. Think im going to get all my wisdom teeth extracted in my next unit, to get some leave.

the weekend started bittersweet and quickly bleeded empty. found myself having to pretend everything was okay even though somethings hurt like hell. its my fault for allowing it to continue to hurt like bloody hell.

as usual all this was made trivial by its relation to larger issues. someone elses. Mr Someone told me bout his dire straits . im amazed at how well hes taking his possible demise in the very real sense of the word. Didnt really know what to say. The devils already spat in his kettle and he's partly to blame. Now he's waiting for the test results to see if its the end. Sure he's bummed but not in the way someone whos undergoing a similar situation would be bummed. he even squeezes in time for black humour. i admire his strength.
ive got a feeling its not his time yet and im hoping. Once again im reminded that we are all not armoured by some shining indestructability of youth. anything can happen at anytime.

Jamming was horrible. The general negativity hung in the air like an old but potent fart. the tension in the whole room seemed liked it was primed to blow at any minute and if it did, everyone would only understand little jigsaw pieces of what was really going on. im sure next week will be better, after we've all spent a couple of days in our secret confession boxes.

The circular hand-job everyone was passing around after the album, is long expired, and its time to get up and get going again. edle has been a huge help with the band, and we are really lucky to have her in. still on the lookout for bass replacement. i cant whole-heartedly start promoting us until i know that we sound full and good again. 2 distro deals are waving infront of us and we need to decide soon.

gonna go on a self imposed exile of writing, composing and disappearing. we are all not getting any younger.