33 hillside crescent

mood- melancholy and infinitely sad
music- a new beginning, SIGUR _ ROS


Last Saturday, never ended until it turned into Sunday. i blew the party, and went to meet morgan, kavin and soph in Bukit Panjang. me and morgan left, at the witching hour and walked to hillview, past the big empty roads, kicking up the dust devils with the forest on either end. houses and people were far away and we could make the rest up. we walked behind the bank to the train tracks in the forested area. we sat on the line, and made sparks in the dark. pebbles on cold metal rail. the tracks stretched out into pitch darkness. we plugged in some music , and it seemed to disappear into that dark place. we talked , i had the frankest conversation ive had in ages. we left just in the time , the morning K line express came rushing out of the darkness like a phantom. carriage after carriage of cargo and baggage that the first carriage was trying to outrace.

Nights like that dont come often, nights like that i wish would last just that little bit longer. Staring out at the river, as sir stamford switched off the lights. watching the first light creep across the sky as we set on the steps leading out to the murky blood of a country i love and hate in equal measure.

The greeks were right, music is a spirit that flies past the gatekeepers of reason and comes to you in the deepest and most secret of places.

my elaborate plans for a spectacular pre-birthday departure are kinda messed up now. carolyn is getting married. as selfish as i am , i cant be that selfish. i cant screw that up for her.
i realised today , that i dont wanna leave yet. i was trying to get everything done this month, tried to avoid sleep so i would have twice as long. but im not making much progress. racing to never grow old like peter pan. There are still places i want to see and people i wanna be with.

i wish i was walking along St Andrews now, looking out at the North Sea with an ice scream dribbling down my hand even though i dont really fancy ice scream. A cold but sunny day. kick of my shoes and walk ankle deep in the shallows. hear the gulls and look out across the surf at that big emptiness. walk to that sea wall, and taste the salt spray and get chilled by the wind.

i love my memories. The world is so crushingly beautiful sometimes that no force of will allow you to look away.