no drama

Despite ina's NO DRAMA tshirt, saturday's gig was anything but driving miss daisy.

Ter left the band on saturday, his reasons are personal, but i take it his heart was not in it anymore. i felt it really hard to play that day, the place was tiny and i was staring almost face to face with 4 eras of transmission members in the crowd, justin lim, guru, kenneth and jonathan even, suddenly felt like everyone was staring at me have a wank in a museum of historical artifacts.

Old transgressions from the slowjaxx does dallas drummer against tjinn reached boiling point and after he threw a first punch at tjinn, it erupted into a fight between the members of slowjaxx, and jon, ced and tjinn with the samanta blokes stepping in. happened outside the club and i missed it all cos i was returning gear. by the time i got there everyone was still standing around and watching from the neighbouring cafes but it was over. i left and went home cos i didnt want to see terence.

Fell asleep on my couch, to a strange movie and had a bizarre dream where a frightening angel told me that the past, present and future are all happening at the same time at the same place on different planes of reality, and that we linearise it in order to gain a sense of relational identity. she said that the sums of who we are are already known and that we were just living our whole lives out in one instance, no past no present no future. she showed me some ghosts and told me they were overlaps in the fabric, and that despite the seemingly fatalistic view that the end was already known it was our choices that still determine it.

In my dream i understood cause and effect as being a spinning wheel rather than a line , but after i woke up the whole thing seemed like a really bad movie script forged in the refuse chambers of my mind. So dont worry im not joining the ranks of elron hubbard and im not starting "the church of throw away your watches and pay me for it ".

dreams burnt down

Lying under sky, laughing at everything I say,
And pulls me under. There's no time to resist.
Lying on the floor,
The tears are falling down and more.

Her eyes speak loud,But actions speak the best
Waiting, hoping for a sign,
That what's forbidden can be mine.
I just want what I can't have,
Until my dreams burn down every time.

She's effortlessly cool,But circumstances can be cruel.
And sometimes you must accept,
That you can't always get what you want.
We fill up our days and nights.
We fill up the gaps in our empty little lives.
But we know we are doomed,
The moment we walk out the room.

.................................................................

My worst trait is my silence. no matter how much i feel, nothing comes out of my mouth at times when silence is inexcusable and hurtful. i dont even show a shred of emotion because i cant let anything out no matter how much i want to. i kill people with that ice pick, people i love that mean the world to me.

dead flag blues

trapped in the belly of a horrible machine, the machine is bleeding to death