soap

Booking into camp in the mornings always brings with it the risk of cardiac arrest from the stress of sudden spot checks and blockades. There was one this morning with the csm and his RPs checking bags and phones. i started to feel a wee bit nervous with the malaysian fags in my bag and the large selection of burnt cds, managed to hide it in a book and slipped thru.

i think my contempt for army commanders started in BMT when i became a perm staff toilet cleaner and began to realise that i was being led by men who defecate like animals wiping their arses on the floor and walls. my revenge regularly made its way into the soap dispensers.

disarm

disarm you with a smile
and leave you like they left me here
to wither in denial
the bitterness of one whos left alone

the years burn
the years burn

i used to be a little boy
so old in my shoes
and what i chose is my choice
whats a boy supposed to do
the killer in me is the killer in you
my love
i'll send this smile over to you

disarm you with a smile
and cut you like they want me to
cut that little child
inside of me and such a part of you

the years the year burn

i used to be a little boy
so old in my shoes
and what i chose is my choice
whats a boy supposed to do
the killer in me is the killer in you
my love
i send this smile over to you
the killer in me is the killer in you

dieppe barracks

ive just walked through the shite encrusted arsehole that is my camp gate, and im staring at the clock on the wall already.

i realised recently that ive been drinking a bottle of jim beam that wasnt really jim beam at all. Even offering it to people, some of whom have been really gulping that vile dosh down. its amazing how no one noticed the sickly faded hue of the liquid or the swimming dark particles at the bottom.

I shouldve known that a spare bottle of jim lying around was too good to be true. it came back to me in a flashback......

twas the night of my twenty first birthday, a very loud and inebreiated sidney koh was helping to clear the table. Pouring all the left over soft drinks, beer, green tea, and liquor into jimmy and topping it off with stray bits of crisps and food particles from the table. He even named it the punishment drink. i must take more care to remember important events from the past, buts its good that no on has died yet, although tjinn delivered a spectacular merlion impression apon consumption of punishment.

my new camp is pretty dull, dreary and highly regimental, but ive only very recently been shot up into her rancid bloodstream so im hoping things get better with time. Nine months time actually. on a lighter note i found out that my office is a renovated toilet from the seventies. right now the highlight of my day is when a grouchy white cat comes to visit and i play with it until i have an allergic reaction.

Friday couldnt have come any sooner. looking forward to meeting jason and pei and any other mysterious ex school mates fer a sheesha at mini baghdad later.


Its october and the leaves must be turning red and starting to fall near hillside cresent and conkers must be everywhere. Arthur's Seat is probably changing colour too, getting ready to put on her winter coat against the North Sea chills. The shops in Princess street will be closed now, and the old town is probably pretty ghostly, her centuries old gothic buildings waiting silently for another inconsequential morning. wish i was there.

jude the obscure

nothing can bring it back, no amount of screaming, gnashing and tears can undo the past. there are empty spots that never get filled again. wear your crown of shit, apon your liars chair, full of broken thoughts that you cannot repair. beneath the stains of time, the feelings disappear, you are someone else and i am still right here. what have i become my sweetest friend. everyone goes away in the end. you could have it all my empire of dirt. i will let you down, i will make you hurt.

albums of mine which have mysteriously gone missing

the following are a list of albums which have gone missing, and are probably now being used as weapons, to line coke off the buttcracks of morrocan boys on yachts in the meditarreanean, being sold at gramophone, playing in someone's stereo as a soundtrack to sex and suicide or are simply rotting away in friends houses.

i miss every last one of you:

1. siamese dream- smashing pumpkins
2. mellon collie and the infinite sadness disc 1- smashing pumpkins
3. figure eleven- elliot smith ( sid i know you have this one! )
4. yoshimi battles the pink robots - the flaming lips ( sid despite the denials i know you lost this one, you wanker )
5. pablo honey - radiohead
6. ok computer- radiohead
7. 1977- ash ( Karthi!! )
8. intergalactic seven - ash
9. absolution- muse
10. origin of symmetry - muse
11. frengers- mew
12. the masterplan - oasis
13. this is my truth tell me yours- the manic street preachers
14. the best of bob marley- B.M
15. ebony tears
16. urban hyms- the verve
17. the best of- the cranberries
18. in utero - nirvana
19. unplugged in new york - nirvana
20. alison's room - the 60 ft dolls
21. the best of - queen
22. the yellow album- blur
23. performance and cocktails- stereophonics
24. the guest - phantom planet
25. a sense of the bitter, a taste of the sweet - return to fall
26. kept secrets- shereens closet
27. black market music- placebo
28. and many many fucking more


my life will never be as complete