greener on the other side

Poly came to an end around may this year. Closed a three year chapter in my life and began a new one. I enlisted on the 8th of June to basic military school on pulau tekong and began my two years two months of national serfdom.

You'll never forget your first boat ride to tekong, sitting on the ferry with your parents and girlfriend, staring out at the island that will be your prison and your home. When you get there you learn how to say an oath, promising your life for your country while the people you came with take a pleasant tour elsewhere and watch a video about BMT life ( a very well-shot fiction docu).

When they enter the hall where you have been waiting, you are not supposed to smile or acknowledge them with eye contact, i tried my best to suppress my laughter cos it felt so ridiculous at the time, like i was play acting, but you learn soon enough that its all about play acting and you better learn to play act well.

Afterward you have a meal with your folks and girl, and its one of the best meals you are going to have on that island but of course you don't know that yet. The time comes for your your parents and girlfriend to head back home. Up til this point i had been feeling rather optimistic, trying not to think so hard. il make the best of it, get some writing done, practice hard on my guitar write music, physically improve myself, learn discipline etc. ( throughout the rest of my bmt i never wrote a line of lyric, fiction or music). I said bye to my parents and it dawned on me that i wouldnt see them or be home for a month, and in all probabilty for the next 2 years i would only see them for brief periods on weekends. I hugged kristine for a long time before i let her go down the jetty to the boat. i loved her but i was afraid that i was putting a gun to my head. She was heading off to university soon and id be doing this for quite awhile. How would we both change? Would she wait for me ?

The doubts turned to sharp stones and rented out a dark spot at the bottom of my heart for a long time.